First night in my dorm room. It’s absolutely the most perfect dorm room, and I love it and my roommate and my school already, it’ll all just take some getting used to.
Hopeful for a great Freshman year.
I can’t think of anything but nights with you.
It is beautiful to express love and even more beautiful to feel it.
I’m home from Europe and I had the absolute BEST time. I loved all the art I saw in Paris, and I LOVED the atmosphere of Amsterdam. All of it was wonderful and I can’t even begin to explain my trip and the epiphanies I had on said trip. I guess in short, my eyes were opened, my horizons broadened, and my knowledge of the world deepened.
I move into my dorm on Friday, and I leave to go to my new home on Wednesday. I haven’t even started packing and there are still things I need to go get before I’m ready to start packing.
Honestly, I’m so scared. I’ve never been this far from home on my own before for so long. I know I always talk about wanting adventure and freedom and independence, but now that I’m about to get all that, it’s almost too much to handle. Not to mention, my anxiety has been off the charts, lately. I find myself having nausea everyday and I get horrible headaches when I even think about my future. I don’t want to be without my mom, I don’t want my brother to forget me, I don’t want to be left out of all the memories my family is going to make in the next few months. I’m scared about what kind of person I’ll become when I go to college. Will I gain weight? Will I be well liked by my peers? Will I become totally awkward and anti-social? Will I be too homesick to focus on school work? Will I be too overwhelmed to focus on school work? So. Many. Questions.
I also miss Matt more than anything… I’ll hopefully get to see him in November, but then again, who knows what will happen between now and November. I know I’m going to meet SO many new people, and so will he, and I know the chances of us making it are slim, but I want them to work out so badly. However, I feel like he hasn’t been completely honest with me lately… like I feel like he’s been unfaithful. Maybe not physically, but I just feel like he’s gone back to his old ways of texting other girls all the time out of boredom or loneliness or whatever. It’s just hard to think about, and it’s not like I can confront him on any of it. Despite all that though, I miss him. I miss his smell and his voice and his touch. I miss sex and kissing and cuddling. I miss not ever being satisfied with just one kiss and always needing more. I miss smoking together then going to Sonic and just sitting there, ordering more and more food, laughing, listening to music and then drifting off and getting caught up in our own thoughts and then coming back to reality and getting caught up in each other all over again. I miss all of it. I miss him.
Anyway, I’m rambling now, but I needed to get all of that out. I’m hoping for the best to come these next few days, and years, especially.
I just want to get in the flow of things and for this transition period to be over.